Sisters!

I was watching Lindsey and Ashton sleep the other night and this overwhelming thought came to me. I am completely and undeniably the center of their universe. Their whole world is in my hands and understanding this great responsobility helps me enjoy motherhood at its fullest.

classic Linny face

(above) When they're together, they always sleep like this (below) I layed them down and seconds later I found this. Don't ask me how they scoot closer and get into these positions. It must be a twin thing! I LOVE iT though

Just a few
"Questions and Answers"

1) How many diapers do you go through?

We went through 736 diapers in the first month!!! It looks like we're going to go through over 700 this next month as well. We've been averaging about 24 diapers per day for the twins and spend about $300 per month on those damn things

2A)Do you miss being pregnant?

In some ways I do, yes. Feeling them move is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was amazing. Even when it hurt I thought it was crazy cool! What I'll really miss during my future pregnancies is carrying two babies. Most women don't get to be so lucky.

2B) What is one of your favorite memories while pregnant?

Hmm, first thing that comes to mind was when I was going on my third month of bedrest and felt like a prisoner in my own room. Thats not the good part, lol. Shane went to the grocery store, came home and packed a cooler, loaded up the car and carried me out for a Sunday picnic dinner back through Hobble Creek Canyon. It was a very rainy day and he knows how much I love the rain. He took us to a very secluded spot where we ate under a ramada and thick trees. It was windy and the birds were friendly. It was great to be out in the pouring rain and I thought the lunch Shane made was so cute: chicken, deli salads, cookie dough, fruit, chips and dip, my favorite drinks. It was awesome.

3) How are you adjusting to two babies?

It's hard, very hard. Most difficult thing I've ever done. At times this seems impossible. The other night, about 3am, Shane and I each held a baby and no joke we were both in tears. In my next pregnancy, When I only have one baby, it will be like having a goldfish!

4) Are you Breastfeeding?

YES! I am a milkbar 24/7. This has been THE most difficult part about being a mom and looking back it probably isn't worth the battle I continue to fight. I breastfeed every 3 hours give or take some and pump every 1.5 hours. Which is such a neccessity because I'm constantly needing to stimulate more milk production for 2 babies. The first month was the most insane thing I've ever been through. Because the girls were born SO small they didn't have a very powerful suck. Therefore I still have to pump immediately after feeding because they didn't drain me all the way. They get too tired so we'd also have to supplement to top them off. So breastfeed, supplement, and pump. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. By the time I was done pumping I'd have 30 minutes at best before the whole process started back up again. I was being worn so thin. Lindsey is the smaller of the two and each time I breastfed her it was actually a two man job...she had to have a tube filled with formula put into her mouth as she breastfed. This was to give her the idea of breastfeeding but she couldn't suck well enough on her own. We taped the tube to me and Shane would use the syringe to push formula into her mouth yet at the same time I'm trying to concentrate on Ashton on the otherside. When Lindz got a little bigger she graduated to a nipple shield which hardle helped matters. Oh you have no idea how hard this process in itself was!! I started to become malnourished from lack of eating and sleeping. I had clogged milk ducts and eventually got mastitus from improper drainage. That hurt alot. I had to cover myself with moist heat for 20 min. before each pumping session and bite down on a hot washcloth just to get through feedings. It was the biggest nightmare! It was effecting my mental health and I wasn't fully enjoying this like I wanted to. Plus it was unfair to the girls to be so unavailable and stressed out. So I've relaxed a bit and now I pump every 3 hours as well as feed. This written out explanation and response to this particular question is truly an understatment. So we recently started giving them formula at nighttime. Which has really helped because Shane or someone else can help feed and I get a small break.

5) Are they on the same schedule?

No Linny is smaller and has to eat less but more often. Ashton eats every 3 hours but Lindz eats every 1.5 hours. We tried waking Ashton up when Lindz eats but it was beginning to be pathetic. Poor Ash could never sleep and it was kind of hard to wake her too when I'm on my own during the day. So mom doesn't get breaks and cant even find the time to brush her teeth! I wish I was lying about that last sentence.

6)Do you plan on having more babies?

Are you kidding me?! Absolutely! I'm already talking about my next set of twins which is absolutely and totally COMPLETELY INSANE!!! I can barely see straight I'm so tired. I don't know where I find the yearning for this within me.

7) How many Dr. visits have the girls had AND are they Healthy?

They've had 6 doctor visits and they're only 7 weeks old. Ashton has zero problems but lindsey has a few. A week ago the Dr. confirmed that she has acid reflux. We've tried two or three prescription meds. Then at our latest visit she was officially diagnosed with colic. She has three prescriptions to help her with that as well. Dr. Wynn says it's a very shockingly low percentage of babies who actually have colic. He says many moms use the term 'colic' so losely. If their baby cries at night for an hour or so the moms are suddenly so convinced thye have a colicy baby. Poor Lindz! She is colicy and has acid reflux. The combination together is complete torture and a rare situation. A NICU nurse told my mom that acid reflux in itself is horendously horrible. Lindsey has to sleep at an upright angle during the night and I know she misses Ashton. So we do our best to keep them together any chance we get. When she cries, she scream so hard her voice becomes hoarse and she clentches her fists together so tight that her knuckles turn white and her wrists shake. These are the times she forgets to breath. It takes her breath away and when she gets it back she's choking on the acid that comes up. It makes me cry. It even makes Ashton cry. They feel each other. I swear their bond is so incredible. My heart aches, feels like my soul is ripping apart when Lindsey's in that kind of pain. Sometimes it last for 5 hours. Other times only 2. We're praying the meds will kick in and be right for her. Last night Shane gave her a blessing and she was asleep before I even finished singing to her. That humbled me tremendously.

8) Are the twins personalities different?

Oh. My. Gosh. COMPLETELY!!!

9) Tell me about Ashton...

Ashy Pants is a dream! In so many ways, I'm drawn to her. She has the sweetest eyes; she can tell a story through them. Usually when I go check on her in the bassinet, I find her wide awake, happy, and quiet as can be. She's a little more independant than Lindz but she does loves to cuddle with her mom!! When she eats, she tickles my arm and one night while I was laying down, I put her on my tummy and she had her arms up and was rubbing both of my earlobes. She's very affectionate, more so than Lindsey but she also likes her space. One time she was crying and I didn't know what she wanted. So I layed her down for a minute to get the thermometor and she instantly stopped crying. Ashton will search around for lindsey then stare at her to make sure she's there and doing ok. When Lindsey cries really hard Ashton will cry too but as soon as Linny stops so will she. She smacks her lips when she's done eating and each time she does this we laugh like it's the first. Ashton has recently discovered smiling and she continues to do so when she sees her mom and dad laughing so hard; she's very perceptive. When Shane raises his eyebrows she does it right back to him almost every time now. She sleeps with her mouth wide open and her arms up above her heard as far as she can stretch them.

10) Tell me about Lindsey....

Linny! Oh Linny! She is our vocal child. This little girl sings and coo's and grunts while eating, sleeping and hanging out. Especially during feedings. This is a real good time for her and she has lots to say!! Lindsey stretches more than any other baby I've ever met. She'll stretch ALL through feedings, during her sleep, and everything in between. I laugh because thats exactly what she did in my stomach all day. She has the highest squeel and scream when she's hungry and when she gets frantic it's sad but so cute. She always looks confused. Most of the time, her eyes are wide open and her mouth I swear is permanantly in the shape of an 'O' ...like she's saying "Oooo". Lindz loves to be held, she needs to be held. ALWAYS! She especially likes being on her tummy and fights her hardest against going to sleep. She just doesn't want to miss anything! She 'needs' Ashton more than Ashton needs her if that makes sense. She catches onto things slower than Ashton but that makes sense because her placenta slowed down at 32 weeks. It's hard to put Lindsey into words: she's sooo seriously cute and makes the sweetest and funniest noises that it makes us crazy. She has a few minor medical problems (see #6) and struggles most the time because she's so uncomfortable. She sure loves sleeping on her stomach with her daddy!! Make no mistake about this; she really loves Shane!

11)How are Duke and Addie adjusting to the twins?

The first night home from the hospital was one to remember. It wasn't the twins that kept us up all night; it was the cats. They were beside themselves upset that we wouldn't let them into our bedroom. **Addie stares at the girls all the time and casually walks by sniffing them but she seems to care less. She doesn't even run out of the room when Lindsey is crying.

**Duke seems confused and curious at the same time. When the babies cry, he comes running into the room very concerned. It's almost like he wants to help fix the problem. I think in the cats minds they recognize that these "things" are very important to Shane and I and they really are ok with it.

12) What is the best advice you can give to couples going through IVF?

Hmm...IVF is such an unbelievable experience in every way possible. Don't be embarrassed about needing to do it. Infertility is much more common than you would ever realize; people just don't talk about as much. It's emotionally and physically and financially draining. You will have good days and bad days but know this: "It's ok to not be ok". It really is. You experience all kind of emotions you didn't know were even in you. In my case, I loved it. I thought In Vitro was soooo intriguing and exciting and I grew heaps closer to my Heavenly Father through it. but trust me- it has it's draw backs too. I loved my Doctor! He's the best and I promise you won't find anyone better. His work is his life and he takes each case personal. I'm not biased, the truth is this... his success rate is nationally known. He worked directly under/with the man who actually invented the entire procedure and Dr. David Richards, himself, enhanced it to make it even more effective. So please email me (trulyashton@yahoo.com) or leave a comment if your situation calls for a special interest in meeting this wonderful man!!

13) Do you get anything done during the day unrelated to baby needs?

No. When I actually get a free minute to myself I have to decide what's most important: eat, shower, brush my teeth, pump, or sleep. All five of these never happen in the same day. I have, on occasion, been able combined a few of these things . For example: last week I ate a granola bar and drank a capri sun in the shower while I washed my hair.

14)How much sleep are you getting?

On average, about 3 hours in a 24 hour period. Shane and I live downstairs on the couches, which isn't nearly as nice as our bed but it's more convenient. I miss sleeping next to Shane.

15) Are you guys alone taking care of the babies or do you have some help?

I want to answer this question when I have more time. I've got lots of people I want to thank! This question deserves it's own post!!

(I don't know why my comments/date/time are so far down. Anyone?)